I hid everything inside a suitcase of memories. When I get a moment, I look back on my past. I pick a piece inside the suitcase, I re-live it and remember it.
Sometimes, I go back to my happy times and even my darkest hours. Sometimes, I just want to watch the past in my eyes and see how I have changed. They are nothing but mere memories in my heart and in my mind. They are pictures, remnants of what has been.
Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time and change something. I think about the what if’s and what could’ve been. But there is nothing I can do. I have to move on and let go.
There are those fragments in the past I don’t ever want to remember, they are hidden in the bottom of the suitcase, in the darkest part where my hands couldn’t reach them. The ones that has hurt me so deeply, I have scars to show for it.
But sometimes I can’t help it. Sometimes, the past crawls back and escape from the suitcase. It creates havoc in the life I’ve built without it.
The past always crawls back. It has been told by philosophers that one cannot move on without making amends with the their history. But how, how can I make amends with the past when I can’t even face it? How can you forget it when in your sleep all you see is the face of the past? There’s a simple way but I am afraid of it and so is everyone else.
It’s fingers are clawing me, it demands attention, I don’t want to look it in the face. But the only way for the past to stop crawling back is when you face it, head first and say everything what should have been said.
So here, it goes:
You are a thing of my past. I don’t see you in my future nor my present. Seeing you would mean breaking all the promises I made to never be that person again. I’m afraid to see you again, I’m afraid to stare at your face, I’m afraid to laugh with you. I’m afraid because it brings me back to so much pain, so painful I haven’t entirely moved on from all the chaos. But I have to do this, it is the only way for you to be back in my suitcase of memories. It is the only way for you to be truly become a memory and not a life.
You are a thing of my past, by the time this ends, I will be over you. You taught me to be stronger, you made me realize that even the brightest stars can have eclipse too.
This was an old literary work I did, way back in 2009 or 2010. I was very young then and I remember this piece was inspired by Cindy Lauper’s version of “Time after Time.” The title is borrowed from the song lyrics.
My writing then is rough, it’s still rough now but I hope I got better. This was a perfect piece for today’s Daily Prompt: Suitcase.